Day 74 - Side Effects May Include

Side Effects May Include

Matthew Ryan Fischer

 

Derek clenched his fists and could feel his jaw crunch down. He tried to stretch his fingers out, but could still feel them tightening, stressing, fulling flexed. He shook his fingers to try and get the blood flowing. The pulse in his neck and chest were too strong, but his fingers were tingling as if they weren’t getting enough blood. He felt the pressure in his head, pushing, contracting. The rage boiled, as if he were going to explode.

He had heard of body dysmorphia but this was so much more. There was a pulsing sensation in his eyes, his peripheral vision coming in and out of focus as his blood pressure rose. He arms tightened, muscles clenched and strained, from over-charged electrical impulses in his brain. He was strapped down on the table. Doing nothing. There was no reason to feel fight-or-flight, or stress or any of it. Except of course for the months of experimentation.

It was getting hard to swallow. There was a thick paste in the back of his mouth. He was on an IV but felt dehydrated and weak from hunger.

Derek’s fingernails broke the skin of his palms, and his hands began bleed. He was unable to unclench his fists this time, even though he wanted to.

He focused on his breathing. He had to calm down. Long breaths in thought the nose, longer out through the mouth. Slow counting, prolonging each breath as long as he could. It didn’t help. He could feel his pulse raising. He tried to count objects in the room, picking out colors and shapes, and trying to alphabetize them – any trick he had read about how to try to stop panic attacks.

Nothing seemed to work. He was sure his body would explode from the stress. He thought about the scenes in movies where people with psychic powers battled it out, until one finally snapped and blood would start trickling from their nose and eyes and finally their head would indeed blow up. He had become one of those scenes.

From the corner of his eye, the room changed, shifted. He noticed the difference, but he wasn’t sure what he saw. The color was off. Different. There was a shape, then it was gone. It was strange and off, but his mind was having trouble processing it. He was aware that things were wrong, but couldn’t describe how.

Was it working? Was this what it was supposed to do? He opened his mouth, but found he could not speak.

The light grew unsteady and a variable hum began in his ears. He could not trust his eyes. He senses failed him. What was or wasn’t happening was too far removed from what seemed normal. It was impossible to focus or to discern what was or wasn’t real.

Derek shifted and could no longer feel the pressure of the straps against his body. He felt light, like he was floating. He tasted something metallic and sharp. It was harder to breath, but the air felt thinner, making him light headed and high. He felt an energy pulsing from inside his frontal lobe. All he could see was the bright light of serenity.

Somewhere off in the distance he thought he could hear someone calling his name, but it was an echo, far away. He was drifting and the sounds were getting softer and the world lighter.

Derek felt at peace.

Somewhere, far away, Derek’s brainwave activity grew elevated. His body relaxed and his vital signs remained constant, but it was impossible to wake him. Communication seemed impossible but they held out hope that his spirit might someday return.