Day 39 - Late Night Snacks

Late night snacks 

Matthew Ryan Fischer

 

Joel had been reduced to preparing fish sticks in a toaster oven. Crunchy, breaded, fatty, greasy fish sticks. Forty-two and eating garbage. He felt like a child. He would have added ketchup, but had forgotten to buy any at the store. Empty cabinets and an empty refrigerator, but a freezer full of single serving meals. He was lucky to have remembered to buy plastic utensils or else he would have been eating them with his fingers. Again.

Tomorrow there would be boxes to unload. And then he’d need to shop for furniture. Tonight it was the air-mattress. One more night. He could make it.

He had always fallen in love too fast. And out of it as well. This was different. This was a milestone. One of those turning points that people referenced the rest of their lives when they had to explain their life to a new person. He had broken up before. Move out, moved on, been kicked out, cheated on, left behind, and forgotten about. But this, this was different. It involved lawyers and the courts and the government.

Grin and bear it. Things weren’t going to get any better any faster either way. Having a bad attitude and wallowing would just make things worse.

Joel hadn’t cried yet.

Today.

He hadn’t cried yet today. Staring at the flaccid under-cooked fish sticks, he could feel the urge growing inside.

Eileen wasn’t even a good cook. He was a good cook. He made most of their meals. It was one of the things he could bring to the relationship. It was part of his love language – acts of service.

It didn’t matter. He hated cooking. He was never going to cook again. Just bad take out and bad frozen dinners. No more prep work, no more waste of energy and time. Yep. That made sense. That was a good life goal. Fuck her and fuck meal prep.

It had been a horrible year. Six weeks ago he had no idea what was about to happen to him. She just sprang it on him. Overnight. She must have been preparing for weeks or months. Lying to him. Pretending. Prepping and preparing out of sight. Her little secret. So she could just snap her fingers and surprise him and be out of the house later the same day. She had no respect for him or their years together. To pull the rug out like that. Not even try. Not give a heads up or discuss or give him a chance to change. Totally unfair.

The fish sticks looked inedible. Luckily he had bought a package of banana bread and some cream cheese icing. That was going to make for a great meal. If the uncontrollable weeping didn’t get in the way.