Day 112 - Benjamin Dream

 Benjamin Dream

 Matthew Ryan Fischer

 

Benjamin was speaking with his brother Sam, when he woke up and realized he had been having a dream. His brother was on the phone with a friend while also watching a television show with Benjamin. It was strange to hear half the conversation, but also know that the friend on the phone was getting upset because the show was too loud and the friend couldn’t hear the full conversation.

Later, when Benjamin spoke to his brother on the phone, Sam told him about dream.

Only to then wake up again. Benjamin realized he had still been dreaming.

It had all felt very real.

Benjamin considered calling Sam again, but remembered what happened last time, so he waited. He remembered the last time they talked that Sam had been angry about Benjamin changing the temperature on the thermostat. It was an odd annoyance, especially considering they didn’t live together anymore. It was Benjamin’s house; he could set the temperature as he saw fit. Why had his brother been so upset?

As soon as he asked the question, Benjamin woke up again. Something in the stupidity of the argument made him realize it hadn’t really happened. They hadn’t been fighting over temperature. Benjamin had been out walking and thought about all the times they had fought as roommates. They had been picking at each other for years, but it was nothing more that siblings sparring back and forth and it was hardly what you would call a fight.

Benjamin loved his brother, Sam.

Why did he think that? What did he need to remind himself?

Ben woke up.

Ben didn’t have a brother. But it had felt like he did. And he would remember that awful feeling the rest of the day. It was sickening, having that emotional attachment and having it all torn away. All love lost.

Ben wondered where dreams came from and why he was dreaming of family. He wondered how it was possible to have a dream within a dream within a dream and have it keep going like that. Was it a wish? Had he glimpsed something that might have been? And what if he had? Would he even know it.

A sinister thought, slowly crept into his mind – he had woken and re-woken so many times in the process of one night. Was he sure he was awake now? If so, how could he prove this was reality and that he wasn’t dreaming? And if he were dreaming, when would the loops end, and could he be free, and would he even know it if he were? Ben suddenly felt very alone and very scared. He wanted to close his eyes again and rest, to wish for another better chance at things, but he was afraid to find out what might happen if he did.