Deathbed Confessions
Matthew Ryan Fischer
The God was dying. Aron didn’t know how a God could die. It was
counterintuitive. No matter. He was tasked with overseeing the process and
attending to any of The God’s needs. In all other circumstance, The Gods wanted
for nothing. The Gods ate alone, slept alone, fucked alone. It was strange that
they would require company while dying.
Aron had been trained not to challenge authority or ask questions.
He kept his opinion to himself.
“Lean close, and I’ll tell you,” a raspy voice spoke.
“Tell me what?” Aron asked as he moved closer.
“Any secret you want to know. As long as I know the answer.”
“As long as you know? How can you not know? You’re one of The Gods,
aren’t you?”
“Of course, I am,” he wheezed and coughed. “You think The Gods
know all? Is that really what you want to know?”
“Tell me my future.”
“Your future hasn’t happened yet. How could I know that?”
“What sort of God are you?”
“A very sick and old one. Go away. You’re not serious. You don’t
want to know anything.”
“No, I think I’ll stay.”
“Then sit in silence and don’t bother me so much with your loud
breathing.”
“You’re in a bad mood.”
“You would be too if you were dying. It’s very painful. You’ll
find out someday.”
“Was it worth it. Ruling over us? Telling us all what to do? For
years or decades or however long it’s been.”
“How old are you? Nearly still a boy. You’ve only known me as an
old man. You ever got to see me young or vibrant. Efficient. You never got to
see the wonders or awe.”
“Who will replace you?”
“The others will decide that, not me. I didn’t pick who I replaced.
One day I just was.”
“Sounds like a stupid system.”
“It probably is. I didn’t make it. I didn’t ask for it. But I
tried. Even when no one wanted me to and no one thanked me for what I could do.
Nothing is ever enough. Nothing. I’ve been blamed for everything. Really, there
were no answers. There was nothing I could do. Some things even a God can’t
change.”
“That doesn’t seem very godlike to me.”
The God laughed.
“No, I suppose it’s not… The truth is you called us Gods. Well, not
you, you seem a little too wise. But long ago they called us Gods. We didn’t
see it that way. We were just us. Different from you, but to us, it was just
perfectly normal. I don’t know what you should call us. We just are.”
“Am I supposed to pity you now?”
“I don’t care. Do what you want. I’ll be dead in a day maybe two. You
can think of me whatever you want.”
“So, what happens to you?”
“Find out tomorrow.”
“What happens to me? I’ll have no purpose.”
“Wait until tomorrow and see.”
The God went quiet. Aron had to sit and wait with him, wondering
what the point of it all would be.
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