Day 314 - Tonite

 Tonite

Matthew Ryan Fischer

 

He takes his shirt off and I look at his tattoos. A date stands out. Someone has died. I’m afraid to ask. His arms are strong, but his belly is weak. There are a series of scars on his left side and his left shoulder bears the marks of a surgery long ago. He carries no pain, no suffering. His face is calm and his eyes are bright. Whatever the past was, it seems a million miles ago.

Still the mystery remains and I wonder. Will he tell me or will I have to ask? Does it matter? Whatever the answers, none of them are why we are here in this moment. A lifetime ago and a lifetime to come, and whoever was is not the person in front of me now.

The chill runs through my body as my toe touches water. It will only get worse. I hesitate, unsure, my body tenses, reluctant, but the anticipation of the moment is too great to resist. An inner desire wills my body forward against logic and complaint. My body will adjust, I tell myself. I feel my teeth dig into my tongue as the cold water hits my calves, my thighs, my waist. I let out a small sound, but I keep my body moving and resist the urge to shutter and flee. My body shivers and I can feel the goosebumps form.

I move faster in hopes of speeding acclimation. I dip my head under the water. I wrap my arms tight around my chest, trying to stay warm, trying to stay calm. The more I move, the faster it seems that things will be alright.

I turn and look. He is somewhere in the darkness. To call his name would defeat the purpose of the game. He must find me. But I need him to speed the process up a little for I am cold and he is nowhere to be seen.

Each frozen second stretches into eternity. My fingertips seem numb. I hold my breath, testing temptation. Which is stronger – my will power, desire, and willingness to suffer for the moment, or the physical needs of survival and inner urge for warmth.

The night is long. The night is cold. My desire is not infinite.

Where is he, I wonder.

Then I feel the water behind me move as a wave of cold crashes against my back.

Slowly I turn and let him see.

He had better be worth it.