Day 336 - Headache

Headache

Matthew Ryan Fischer

 

The headaches grew worse at night, and when Russel routinely woke in the middle of the night, they were nearly unbearable. Come morning, he simply felt exhausted. The dreams he had mostly forgotten, but he knew they were nightmares.

Time played tricks, and light and dark were illusions. Focus lost, he could not keep his mind right. When he heard a low hum, he thought it was tinnitus. The first time heard a voice, he thought someone was outside. As the voices continued, Russel realized they were coming from inside.

Not wanting to admit anything resembling insanity, Russel instead opted for sleep studies and researched disorders on his own. Apnea was ruled out. Then tumors and cancers and the like. A change in diet and vitamins and supplements had no effect. Medical science had seemingly failed and Russel was left unsure.

Psychics and palm readers never guessed at his affliction. But once a yoga teacher noticed his stress level and tried to work on his chakra. If Kundalini or a unified field would solve his problems, he would swear fealty to whatever energy force or deity she ascribed to. Ultimately, very little changed, and salts and oils and scents and sensory manipulations were equally ineffective.

Some people cried after a sad movie. Others during a deep massage. Russel would have cried if it meant he could rest at night. He began to suspect his mind was under attack. Maybe not from whom, but maybe from what or when. When he was young, he had believed in telepathy and ESP. Perhaps he needed to reacquaint himself.

The whirling sound grew louder and he could not focus. He had come to the ocean to try and relax, thinking the pattern of the waves might act as a calming agent, like white noise that he could focus and not focus on. Instead of fading away, his mind was front and center and the sensations were sickening with pain.

The moon was out. Bright, overwhelming. He couldn’t help but stare. Slowly he lost focus. Slowly he lost awareness. His mind grew blank. And he could do was stare at the moon in awe. Seconds turned to minutes and time seemed to melt and flow away. Russel was unaware of the passage of time or the movements around him. His mind was awash in the brightness, lost, traversing time and space until it was somewhere else and he was someone else. His body remained on the sandy shores.